Something We All Love

     While I have met the odd person who does not enjoy a good massage, the majority of people out there can't get enough of them. I happen to be one of those people. One of my favourite things to do is relax on a weekend and get a nice, long massage. Any type of massage really... relaxing, aromatherapy, hot stone...you get the idea. 


     Most of you know that I can be rather critical and that my standards on certain things may be a bit high, but I've always maintained the belief that if you're paying for something, you should get your money's worth. This applies to massages. 


     I've had massages in numerous countries around the world and I have decided that without a doubt, Korean massages are probably the worst massages in the world (at least to date from my personal experiences). Don't get me wrong, I've had some fantastic massages in Korea, but as a style of massage, I would not recommend Korean massages. 


     Why not? What is a Korean massage like you ask? They are similar to a deep tissue massage but more painful than anything. More than once I've been left wondering if the massage did any good at all. Now my criticism could possibly be based on the fact that I'm a foreigner here and used to a completely different style of massage, but the way I see it is that it's not supposed to hurt and it's not supposed to leave bruises. 


     The bruises did actually happen with one of my first experiences with Korean massage. No matter how many times I told the woman that it hurt, in Korean, she just laughed and kept going. I figured I paid for the massage, I'll probably feel fantastic tomorrow. False. I actually felt worse because the bruises hurt. 


     After that experience with Korean massage, I stayed away from them and partook in imported delicacies such as the fantastic Thai massage place that opened around the corner, complete with an English speaking Thai masseuse. 


     My plan to avoid Korean massages worked well until this week. The pinched nerve in my neck started acting up and I needed a chiropractor stat. My coworker suggested this doctor in Bunpyeongdong who does massages and chiropractic work. Silly me thinking western standards, I got all excited to go. The massage was so painful I just about cried. He kept telling me to relax but this was not a massage! This was torture! My teeth clenched as I felt his hands nearing my neck and then his death grip locked itself on my collarbone over and over. He couldn't even get my neck to crack and told me to come back the next day. With no other relief in sight, I did. 
     The second day was worse. Now it was a full body massage (over jeans and clothes, thankfully they buffered some pain). Not only was it incredibly painful, it was impossible to relax due to the knowledge of the upcoming pain. At least he was able to crack my neck this time but it didn't really help in the same way my chiropractor at home works his magic. After he finally finished my back I figured it was time to go. Oh no, he just said roll over. His talon-like fingers then began prodding my sides and underarms and hitting all the pressure points on my body. Ha! I thought the day before was torture, well clearly that was just the beginning. Each time he moved his hands it turned out to be worse than what he was doing before. He then decided my chest muscles were too tight and dug his talons into the muscles just under my collar bone. When it was over I was so happy to leave, but noooo we weren't finished! Then he prodded my sides and stomach some more and literally started attempting to shift my organs! My coworker translated and said that he claims that when the spine is out of shape, the organs shift so he had to put them back.  
     Finally I was free to go and went home feeling terrible. My body ached as though I'd done a two hour full body workout and lifted weights the entire time that were far too heavy for me. It was so painful I couldn't sleep. Then I had to go back a third time. I had tried to tell him that he needed to be gentle but he kept insisting my muscles were abnormally too tight and I was too stressed out. How can I relax when you've beat my muscles more than a steakhouse tenderizes meat? After his talons dug into my neck and shoulders and he started my arms, I couldn't help myself. I literally burst into tears it was so painful (with the apprehension of more pain to follow). 


     Needless to say, I will not be returning. When I told the doctor this, he handed me a package with two hard boiled eggs. Then he apparently called my boss to tell her I left crying (I tried to stop, it wasn't THAT bad... but sometimes when you start, you just can't stop-clearly he's right about the stress). I think this will be my final experience with Korean massage for the rest of my life. 


Top Massages


The electric suction cup massage machines used at real chiropractors, physiotherapists and acupuncturists 
Lisa's random massages at Herald School
The Mimosa Resort on Koh Samui, Thailand
The hot stone massage at some place in Ottawa
The random spot in Myeong-dong where Shaina said "I want a massage" and we looked up and there was a sign
The Thai place around the corner from me
The one at the hotel in China; not so much for it being fantastic but for it being desperately needed

First World Problems

I'm not even sure if anyone read my blog, but since I haven't written an entry in almost a year, I'm not hopeful. Oh well. 

I've just been thinking about how ridiculous first world problems can be. Whoever coined the term FWPs had it right. Us fortunate few in developed countries have problems that the majority of the world only wished they had. They want them, we think they are nuisance. 

I complain about numerous things on a daily basis to anyone who will listen, and sometimes just in my head. I don't view myself as a negative person, more as someone who likes things their own way. 

Today I've complained about having to go sledding for a field trip at work. Yep, I got paid to go get a bit cold and wet and go down a hill thirty times with some rather cute kids. Unlike many people, I have a job so I'd better complain about it. 

I complained that I feel broke after sending half my paycheck home. I still have plenty of money to live on for the next month if I don't party every weekend. I have bills to pay and money to spare-I'd better complain about it.

I complained that school is too much reading. Heaven forbid that I've gotten to go to elementary school, high school, university and now am working on yet another degree. I'd better complain about it.

I complained I didn't feel like cooking dinner. I've had a long day at my job, getting paid to go sledding and berate children who didn't finish their homework. I'm tired and clearly lazy. I have a kitchen full of decent food, but I don't feel like cooking it. I'd better complain about it. 

I bet if you all (those imaginary people reading this) think about it, you've complained at least once today about something; the snow, the cold, your job etc. You know you have. If you're even reading this, you're more fortunate than the majority of the world. You have internet...but I bet you can find something to complain about in regards to it. 

My point is that after all of my complaining today, I took a moment to reflect. While the term first world problems has become popular, the truth is, problems are relative to your situation. Is there a difference between real problems and things to complain about? Yes. Is there anything wrong with complaining? No, unless you do it constantly about the same thing (think "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now?"). 

Should I feel guilty about complaining about having to play in the snow when I didn't want to, even though there are people dying all over the world? I don't believe I should. Why is that? Problems are relative and as long as one is not ignorant of this fact and is able to understand the difference between actual problems verses things to complain about, I see nothing wrong in venting frustration.

Thoughts?

Noise

Noise. You hear it everywhere. It makes you grateful for those few moments of absolute silence every day. Silence was something I definitely took for granted at home in Canada. I'm not saying I don't love Korea, but where is the line when it comes to noise?

It's 12:58am right now. Less than five minutes ago the rooster, yes that's right...the ROOSTER that lives somewhere behind me was cock-a-doodle-doing... AT ONE AM. Just to let you all know, I live in a city with close to 800,00 people and am nowhere near the countryside. Granted, it was only a brief moment of noise. I'm sure the rooster was just talking in his sleep. Let me tell you, I've been threatening to have this rooster for dinner every day for the past few months. Every single morning it's out there screaming "cock-a-doodle-dooooooooooo," over and over and over. I've never lived on a farm but apparently roosters do not shut up once the sun has actually risen.

I was awake at 5:45 am today to head to the DMZ and I prayed I was awake before this rooster. It's still dark out. The rooster won't be up yet was literally the second thought I had this morning. The first being if I could squeeze any more time to sleep. Well, I was wrong. My arch nemesis, Mr. Rooster, was fully awake and screaming for the sun.

Mr. Rooster is in addition to the nightly cat fights. Every single night there are cats fighting on my street. Then there are the crying babies. Then there are all the drunks...and yes, I've been louder than appropriate on a few occasions myself, I'm not denying that.

You think I would be finished with the noise? But no! How could I forget the throat singer?!?! Oh yes, that's right. There's a throat singer who lives on my street. Whether he's intoxicated or not while he walks up and down the street practicing his surprisingly impressing throat singing is up for debate. He does like to do this after 11:00pm.

Let's also not forget the delivery motorcycles and their pimped out flashing lights and music. At least you can hear when to go down to the door and get your food.

There was also the night where a woman screamed bloody murder from 4-9am. I never did figure out what was going on with that.

After that, there are the trucks that sell anything from strawberries to televisions that drive around every day with their megaphones playing their pre-recorded advertisements; "banana oh cheon-on, kamja, kamja, kamja sam cheon-on, talgae yuk cheon-on" over and over every single day. I understand these people need to make a living but once again it is an "only in Korea" situation. In many parts of the world, there are these magical things called by-laws.

By-laws are indeed magical. They stop my neighbours from having a rooster. I've lived peacefully with the fruit trucks, the cat fights, the drunk people and the delivery bikes for months...but the rooster is sounding tastier and tastier each and every morning I can't go back to sleep. The only two problems about eating Mr. Rooster are 1-I don't know which yard he actually lives in and 2-I am and forever will be too busy to kill and pluck a rooster (or any bird for that matter) for the rest of my life. Chickens aren't birds, they are just things called boneless, skinless breasts at the supermarket and just like ham and bacon, they come from a magical animal that I don't picture ever having lived.

Anyways, that is my rant on the need for these magical things called by-laws. I believe I'll see a unicorn first... I bet they are all held hostage in North Korea.

Of Life and Death

Life is a funny thing. No matter what happens in the world, it doesn't stop. It doesn't stop for earthquakes, tsunamis or wars. It doesn't stop for airplane crashes, the birth of babies or death. Even though an individual's life stops when they die, life around them keeps on going. This past Friday afternoon, I received some terrible news. I knew before I answered my phone that something was wrong. Living overseas, phone calls are scarce. They also happen at predictable times...usually 2am my time because Dad forgot the time difference yet again. This time my phone rang shortly before 6pm. I knew something was wrong because it was just about 5am at home. People at home don't make phone calls at 5am for fun.

After brief "how are you's", Dad said he had some bad news. Here was the part of the call I was waiting for. In life, you slightly prepare yourself for phone calls like this, especially while overseas. When I was in Ireland, I was told the news of my Grandfather passing and have been dreading calls like this ever since. 

Since my arrival in Korea, I've had three great uncles and a great aunt pass away. I even had to find out about one of them via Facebook because no one had had a chance to call me. Who was it this time? A grandparent? One of the cats? Maybe my car got stolen? I prayed for the latter. My yuppie SUV going missing while I'm out of the country would certainly be better than what I knew deep down. 

"Jamie died tonight". 

These words had a haunted sound to them and threw me into an instant shock. Jamie is/was my cousin in his mid thirties. I like to think we were relatively (no pun intended) close since he has lived with us on and off for the past few years and we occasionally partied a bit together. Jamie has had his issues in life but he wasn't really sick and he certainly wasn't old.

After a few moments of silence, I learned the entire truth. For the past two weeks he had been in intensive care with a heart infection and had finally succumbed to a heart attack. To add the evil, metaphorical cherry to the top of this misery sundae, Jamie was scheduled to come home Friday morning. 

It's ironic how life works. Friday was supposed to be the day I flew back to Canada, but I had extended my contract until the end of May. It was also my one year anniversary in Korea. 

If you've lived overseas you know, the hardest part is not being able to be with your family when your family needs to be together. Dad and I finished our call with me having to go back to work and teach four classes and him having to go across the street to tell my grandparents the tragic news. How was I supposed to go to work when I couldn't keep myself together? How was Dad supposed to go tell his parents they had indeed outlived a grandson? They are great-great grandparents, and as much as I love them, they shouldn't be outliving any of us. What about Jamie's parents and brothers and sister in law and nephews and his son; what were they going through? 

Somehow, someway life goes on. People keep going by doing the best they can. I've spent my weekend in a dazed blur, only semi registering the things I've been doing. In that time, a friend has gotten engaged, a baby has taken her first steps, people have had birthdays and have gone condo shopping and those are just from my Facebook updates. 

This weekend I've been thinking about a million things, mostly about Jamie. Grief comes to a point where you have to change your topic of thought before you go insane. The books I've read this weekend had people die in them, every song that comes on my playlist is somehow telepathically programmed to remind me that I've lost someone and Grey's Anatomy wasn't on this week damnit! Even if it had been, I probably wouldn't have been able to watch it because it's a frigging hospital. So what next? Retail therapy, a haircut and a phone call to my mom. 

Passing on news about death is not a fun duty and unfortunately this was not my first time. After shedding even more tears with Mom, she told me how she wished she could hug me right then. I realized that in this entire weekend there had been no hugs. At that point, I couldn't stand being alone and just wanted to curl up with anyone and watch a movie. Since it was after midnight and I was in Korea, I was clearly out of luck. While there have been no hugs this weekend, I thankfully didn't spend it alone and there's still Sunday.

Death makes you think about a lot of things but mostly how trivial or important people and/or things really are in life. Family, best friends, good friends, used-to-be friends and everyone in between. It also proves that home really is where the heart and the hugs are.

Rest in Peace Jamie. 

The Lord is my pilot, I shall not go adrift; 

He lighteth my passage across dark channels;

He steereth me through the deep waters,

He keepeth my log.

He guideth me by the evening star;

for my safety's sake.

Yea, though I shall mid the thunders

and tempests of life,

I shall fear no peril for Thou art with me,

The vastness of the sea upholds me.

Surely fair winds and safe harbours 

shall be found

All the days of my life;

And I shall moor, fast, and secure, forever

Amen

The Fisherman's 23rd Psalm

A day for Vaginas...that's right, Vaginas.

Well, I might as well start this blog with an interesting topic. Today was, just like many other Saturdays in South Korea, an epic Saturday. Why you ask? It was a day dedicated to the true epitome of female anatomy; the Vagina.

The Vagina Monologues are being performed this weekend in Seoul. When a friend suggested going, I jumped on the opportunity. I had yet to see this empowering performance that has made it's way across the world and I had been meaning to see it for quite some time.

With a trip to Seoul always comes the debate on what to eat. While Cheongju has a wide variety of foreign food available, the plethora of flavours in Seoul make it hard to decide-usually. Today was a quick decision-Greek. Aside from the two times I have made myself Greek Salad, I had yet to eat at the actual Greek restaurant. I know some may find it shocking since the Greek delivery man knew Steph and I by name at our apartment together in Ottawa.

As it was a day for Vaginas, Shaina and I had to go all out on a four course meal at Santorini's. I must say this restaurant is hit and miss. The sheer excitement for Greek food dissipated when I learned that first off, there were no side Greek salads (the only Greek salad was 14,000). We learned this after two tablespoons of shredded lettuce with a piece of cucumber on top were brought to our table. "Where are the olives and the feta cheese?" I asked. "This is a Greek side garden salad" was the reply I received. Well hell, if I wanted a garden salad I'd go anywhere. I wanted a Greek salad...at a Greek restaurant. Clearly I'm too high maintenance. We also had meatball soup and eggplant spread for appetizers. Both were tasty.

Next came the main courses. The selection was somewhat decent, however the average price for a plate was 18,000 won. Shaina was smart and opted for chicken souvlaki. It was apparently delicious. It also came with rice and pita bread. The lemon chicken looked decent in the picture and although it didn't come with the watery tzatziki sauce, I ordered that for 1,500 more. What I hadn't realized was the chicken was not grilled and I was paying 18,000 for a TV dinner! The portion was decent but I do not recommend this dish to anyone. Thankfully, wine and baklava make the world better. Overall, dinner was rather tasty as it should be for a combined total of 75,350. Onward to the Vagina Monologues!

I must tell you, if you have not seen the Vagina Monologues, do so. The girls who performed were also wonderful and had great energy. The performance was at Roofers in Itaewon and sold out 30 minutes before showtime with definitely no standing room left. It was a thoroughly enjoyable two hours listening to hilarious and horrifying stories about women and their vaginas. Even the men in the audience laughed and cheered (and yes, there were quite a few of them). This is truly a show for everyone to see. I have to give special props for the girl who recounted a sex worker's account of the ways women orgasm. If there's ever a girl who could fake it and make a man think she saw stars, it would be her.

I know this post is becoming a novel but on a serious note, the monologues were performed in honour of V-Day. V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls. As armed conflict levels have risen in the 21st century, violence against women and children has as well. When you think of Bosnia, Darfur, Rwanda and Haiti just to name a few, do you think of the women and girls who were beaten, raped and left for dead? Just like with any horrific situation, it won't happen to you until it does or it does to someone you know. For more info check out the V Day website.

Proceeds from the show went to The House of Sharing. For those of you who don't know what it is, it is both a museum and a home for women who are survivors of sexual slavery by the Japanese during the Asia-Pacific War. 50,000-200,000 women from surrounding countries were forced into sexual slavery by the Japanese army during this time. These women have had 800 protests trying to gain an apology from the Japanese government. As they are between the ages of 70 and 90, they would like this to happen before they leave this Earth. To learn more, click here!

Overall, a day for Vaginas was a great girls' day out. It was only topped with trading dirty words with our cab driver and essentially having "phone" sex with him in the back of the taxi. He tried to steal the I love vagina pins from the show and was a great sport about making sexual gestures to Shaina's video recording. It was just another epic Saturday in Korea.